My Life: My Unleashed Experience

I am a being of light

“The wild woman is only intimidating to those who are not yet free.
She is a mirror of all you are or all you have yet to become.
She is a living invitation to claim your freedom.
She is UNLEASHED.” - Melissa Vlahos

Today I celebrate my 40th birthday! It feels like a pretty big milestone, and I wanted to celebrate this year. And I don’t just mean have a birthday party or birthday cake or a special birthday meal (I plan to do those things too). I wanted to celebrate me. Who I am now, on this life journey. Who I want to become in the next 40+ years.

I am a photographer, and as a photographer I love photos. And as a photographer, I’m more often taking the photos than I am in them. So the idea of a photoshoot to celebrate this milestone was appealing to me.

About a year and a half ago, a fellow photographer who I’m connected to on social media, but have never actually met in person (we’ll have to fix that), posted a selfie after her Unleashed session with the artist, whom she tagged. I was intrigued, and began to follow her work. She and I spoke and actually discussed the possibility of myself participating in the project, but it wasn’t the right fit at the time. And I think the universe was right. Because in the year and a half since, I’ve done a lot of work healing and loving myself.

Anyone who knew me as a child or teenager knew me as someone full of energy and joy and who dances to the beat of her own drum. In the years in between then and now, I gradually let the sounds of other drums drown out my own. I let the naysayers take residence in my heart and soul. And I lost my connection to my me. I am a being of light, and I let life dim that light.

I am unleashed

I have rediscovered my light within, and I’m so grateful that I found a way to artistically express and unleash that inner light of mine. On May 1st, at the beginning of my birthday month, I saw a post from @imunleashedproject, announcing that she was offering sessions this month. And I knew immediately that was the perfect way to celebrate my birthday, and my me.

During my Unleashed experience, I was guided through a meditation and prompted to remember feeling my happiest, feeling gratitude, and proud, and attractive, and self love. It was amazing that w each feeling, my memories might not have been super specific, but the wavelengths and pulsing of energy on and through my body was different.

Happiness felt like straight quick lines up and down my arms and legs and swirled around my heart. Gratitude felt like wavy pulses down my arms and legs and core. Self love felt like caresses on my skin. I am a senser of energy, but feeling it like this was a completely new experience. I was asked to associate each feeling w a color. Then I was given a rainbow of paints with my body as a canvas. And I think the process of seeing and feeling the paint on your skin really does physically embody the self love in a unique way.

I came home feeling powerful, and proud of myself for the bravery it took to participate in this experience, and also confusion at why this experience would require bravery. I asked Melissa about how she feels about working with nudity right before we started. And she said, “nudity shouldn’t feel shameful like most of us have been conditioned to feel. I see nudity as natural. I see you the same with or without clothing. “ And through this process, it allowed me to see myself the same way too.

I am connected and present in my mind, body, and spirit.
I am whole.
I am enough.
I am powerful.
I am complete.

The light in me honors the light in you

If you are here, reading these words, and looking at these images, thank you for sharing this experience with me.

If any of this makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself why. Because it does not make me uncomfortable. Do you watch PG-13 and R movies? Have you seen naked butts? Why would mine make you any more uncomfortable than an actress on a movie screen? That being said, I’ve chosen not to publish images that show more of my body out of respect for the community I belong to, which values modesty. The thought process behind this decision revealed my beliefs, and how I can hold those beliefs authentically, in harmony within my community and our larger society. Knowing that I am comfortable sharing those images and I’m not censoring them out of embarrassment or shame, is a hugely empowering feeling. I can retain that empowered feeling, and share it with others through my words and through this curated selection of images.

A friend of mine beautifully articulated this question. She said, “In this increasingly public space we live in because of social media, I feel like there’s this pressure to be “out” and “real” and vulnerable in a public space. I find myself holding privacy in a sacred space of being more real… I ask myself when I want to share things if I’m looking for validation or connection.” Another friend helped articulate my resolution. The answer comes in why I participated in this experience in the first place. I was not looking for sexy images or external validation. For me, the photos document and memorialize an empowered significant moment in my life, and that feeling is what I’m seeking to share and pay forward.

And with laws being passed about the rights a woman has with her body, the timing of this experience feels even more important to me than ever. I’m ready to buy gallons of paint and stage a naked body painted women’s march on Washington. But if you’re not ready for Washington, and you want to know more about this project and the artist, check out Melissa Vlahos and what she’s doing with The Unleashed Project.

*Note: Most images have been altered from the artist’s original frame and vision for modest publication, with her permission.